Exams again!!

Exams again. Same old one semester in one night shit. My GTalk status message reads "Why?" I've pinpointed the problem in my life. And like a good human being I put the blame on others. Maybe its because i don't have that initiative crap to solve it. Or maybe I'm just writing shit cos I'd do anything but study right now.

This christmas I want a whole box of 'sleep pills' (not sleeping pills) with different dosages - preferably 3 hours and 7 hours.
Two thirds of the box for 3 hours and the rest for seven hours.

Um...

The things you can't stand in others are the things you hate most about yourself. Me I find it difficult to change some things about myself unless I find it manifested in someone else. And when you finally find that you're no longer worked up by that particularly annoying habit of your colleague or your neighbour or whoever, its time to paardei!! cos you are now a better human being (where have I heard that before?) ^^

Back with a theory

My theory of contentment that is.
Contetntment, happiness, bliss is relative - its not absolute. An individual's contentment with his/her life depends on what he/she has experienced so far, and not on some other person's view or opinion of his/her place in life.

For example, Paris Hilton (why did i pick her? dammit!!) is not happier than you just because she lives in luxury and has a gazillion bucks - no, she has a higher threshold of happy. She would never be content with the life that someone like me would realistically consider a good life. I would say your happy count depends more on the level at which your primal needs are satisfied.

So there you have it.

Three month break

Well, i'm going home. Three whole months of aizawl summer. Sweet!!
To me, slow net access equals no net access. So my blog will remain pretty much the same for the next three months. Solly ^^
I'd better pack up my pc now. I don't want to miss my flight.

Ugh #2

I'm totally screwed for tomorrow's exam - today's rather - its dawn already - damn!!
I have now elapsed into that phase where, after trying to squeeze in a semester's worth of knowledge into my head in one night, i no longer care about my grades - i just wanna make it through to the next sem. I'd better catch some Zs now...

"Pull down thy vanity"

Its neither the fame nor the success that changes a person. Its the desire to flaunt it that makes the person a jerk, an asshole, a stuck-up. But seeing this in others can actually bring the guy back down to earth.
So keep your eyes peeled for those you can learn from ;)
And beware - even a little bit of fame/success can fuck you up bad. Look at Osama >:)

Gray

I got out of bed and turned on my pc to write this.

As long as i can remember, i have been fighting my introvertedness, my social incapability, my inability to articulate my thoughts into spoken words. There was no question of choice for me, i did not have any option other than to fight. Sometimes i don't even realize it but my struggle has manifested itself in many forms. I do things that are in direct opposition to what my reclusive self preaches (and are most of the times dead boring to me.) I try not to miss any chance to show up the introvert in me, to prove him wrong, to humiliate him.

I believe that if i keep fighting (or fight long enough or hard enough) i will gradually (or eventually) become this person that i love to be - this person who is not uncomfortable at your presence, or does not look at gatherings with apprehension, or does not shy away from (even slightly) "remarkable" people. Words come naturally to this person - and sometimes these words are even funny.

Lately, however, i have come to realize that i can be comfortable just being myself. I have found that i am not disgusted at myself for being the introvert that i really am. Society recognizes people like me and has a place for people like me. In other words, people just understand that i don't talk so much and that i'm not really interested in many of the things they are about. Now i see that the people who seemed rather distant and not really part of "the group" were just comfortable being themselves in their own ways.

But i want to be that other person - he has so much fun. I have come such a long way just to give in to myself now. I'm thoroughly confused now. I tread the gray path so to say. I guess i'll just have to stop thinking about all this and just let things go their own way.

I hate myself for writing and posting this. The struggle continues

Wow!! #2

Q : When does a gig attain the status of being totally mind-blowingly armageddonic?

A : When the vocalist starts running around among the wild and fired up headbangin' crowd spittin' out his rhymes occasionally screaming the lyrics in unison with someone who wants a piece of the mic!!

The second gig in three days and it don't stop
I was feeling a little weak but it don't quit
^_^

Wow!!

Man that was awesome!! Nothing beats screaming out "All hell can't stop us now!!" at the top of your voice, and then to come out of your state of trance to find a crowd all fired up with their "fists in the air." Well the crowd was a bit small but they had the enthu of a crowd ten times larger. Guys thank you for the support and to the other guys - thank you for the music ^^ (if any of you ever read this)

Ugh

I am so deprived of sleep right now. My productivity over the last 48 hours is so low the local electronics shop wouldn't hire me. I have two exams tomorrow for which i thought i would prepare by missing today's classes. Instead i watched seven episodes of Will & Grace. Damn my life is out of control. At least i still update my blog. I'm going to sleep now hoping everything works out tomorrow

Where i come from

Exceprts from my post in a thread about racism:

"We have such a tightly woven society of our own most of us find it difficult to allow any changes to it, which is exactly why we cluster toghether in groups anywhere we go, trying to create a mini version of this society. Then from the safety of these societies, we lash out hate and prejudice at people who don't think the way we do."

We're playin' bas... ket... ball...

A gruelling game with intense lay-ups and fierce rebounds after months without any sort of physical exercise. Now it hurts when i walk and when i turn my head and when i make any arching movement. But i'm loving it!! I feel so alive!!

A little philosophy

Ever wished you could relive your life so you wouldn't make the mistakes that you made?
Well you can't!!
And even if you could relive your life you wouldn't have the wisdom not to make those mistakes because its the experience from those mistakes that makes you want to relive your life so as not to make the mistakes you made (this is getting confusing)

So stop pitying yourself and cover your sorrows in chocolates ^^
note : i never wished i could relive my life. I only saw some people who did

Um...

I seem to generate contempt (directed at me) wherever i go. I don't know if its what i do or what i say or rather what i don't do or say. Or maybe its just me feeling responsible for any cause of anger or "unpleasantness" like i always do. And if its not, i wish someone would tell me what it is that makes me the asshole that i think i am. I guess everyone's just too distant to care or just too polite.
Then again, maybe its me not being able to cope with the cold cold world.
I guess i'm alone too much. I know i'm alone too much.

Laments of the outcast

People live life with so much ease. Everyone seems to belong to this world. They are exactly where they are supposed to be. They know exactly what to do at the right place and at the right time. And they are able to identify and decode the encrypted unspoken messages sent through some social gestures or whatever. But not me.
Me? I'm the odd one out - the extra - i am where i am because whoever put people in their places knew this place is as good as any for me. I'd be awkward anywhere. Maybe not in the south pole alone but he/she has a heart too. I am like the ugly gift you got from someone and you had to display it somewhere, anywhere.

Can you get high on music?

The ultimate escape is that moment in the song when you and the people around you with their instruments become one with the song. The euphoria that courses through during these few seconds is so intense you forget everything else. Nothing else matters. You lose all inhibitions. You don't give a fuck how moronic you look with that grimace in your face - no you just wanna burn everything up with your music.

That's my ultimate escape. I like to call it a natural high ^^
Cos its like getting high on ur own music.
I don't know about the guys but at least that's the way i feel.

First post

I'll probably be posting all my posts while dunking chocolate biscuits in coffee. Hence the title. Anyway i really don't write much, and i read very little. Fictional novels were a getaway from my course books in school. Sitcoms and computer games have replaced them now.

I guess all that made me the escapist that i am. I love being an escapist. I love the world i escape to. Its addictive. Its the reason i've been awake for the last thirty hours or so.
But its got to stop sometime - you can't live on fantasies. I've got some five hours before the real life phase begins again and i'd better spend those hours on sleep.

Look at all the "I"s in this post. I've (there it is again) got to do something about this.